Gangs of Deer, the B-Word, and My Other Complaints, May Newsletter

I start every newsletter with the goal of not writing about 3 topics.  The first being Bambi and his gang of deer that roam the Afton hillsides looking for Swiss chard and other leafy vegetables.  They come into the fields before the sun comes up and feast like kings, then proceed to the road to play a fun game of “Chicken” with the passing cars.   The deer have become so accustomed to humans that they barely even bother to lift their heads when a raging human approaches them.  It’s like they figured out that unless it’s the beginning of November, they need not worry about death by humans.  But like I said, I try hard not to write about that.

The second forbidden topic is beets, or the lack of beets.  In my two years of growing, I’ve planted about 2 pounds of beet seeds.  To put 2 pounds of seeds into perspective, that should produce a half a million beets over the last 2 years.  I have not eaten a single beet since 2019.  The first time I planted them, the deer and the bunnies got together for a little garden party where only beets were served.  The second year the drought gave me beets the size of marbles, perfect for no one except bunnies, yet again.  The mere mention of a beet salad from my significant other produces a day’s worth of silent treatment.  Childish?  You bet, that’s why we don’t say the b-word in my house.

The last topic of course is the ultimate one I try to avoid.  Before bellying up to the computer to write, I say to myself, “Cassie, you’re better than this.  Don’t do this.  Don’t be so Minnesotan and talk about the weather. There are plenty of other subjects that are funny, uplifting that your readers will want to hear about.”  Well today is not that day!  April was so cold that even the cows looked at me like, “thanks, but no thanks,” when I opened the gate to the pasture.  May started with temperatures in the 30’s and today I am contemplating turning on my air conditioning after a massive thunderstorm.  I often write about Mother Nature as this goddess mother-like figure who ultimately knows best.   But no mother of mine would bring about a snowstorm after I had just washed all my snow gear.  Nor would my mother produce a thunderstorm so serve that thousands of newly planted seeds (beets being among them) all washed away due to flash flooding.  No, Mother Nature appears to be enjoying herself keeping all of us on our toes.  Unfortunately, after all that complaining in the end, I know there is nothing to be done, and nothing to be controlled.

There you have it, all three of my forbidden topics have been written about in one newsletter.  This won’t be the last time I write about these topics, so next time we see each other lets be good Minnesotans together and complain about the weather.  But for god’s sake, don’t ask me how the beets are growing!